To My Dad: Men Don’t Usually Say These Things But…

Re-posting this blog for International Men’s Day (IMD).  It was originally written for Father’s Day, but I think the principle of appreciating the men in our lives is still the same.  (just think IMD whenever you see Father’s Day 🙂 )  Hope you enjoy it!:

We all know that men are NOT known for expressing their feelings, especially to each other.  However, when it comes to fathers and sons, we would all benefit from saying specifically what we appreciate about each other.  Special occasions like Father’s Day are the perfect opportunities to express exactly WHY we are thankful for each other.

So below, I have decided to put my money where my mouth is and write a thank you letter to my dad for Father’s Day.  If anyone out there, male or female, really appreciates your father and has some things you think and feel but have never said, TELL THEM TODAY WHILE THEY CAN HEAR IT.  Don’t wait until something unfortunate happens, DO IT NOW. I am particularly calling out the men to step up to the plate.  You will be glad you did and so will your dad.  He deserves it.

To my dad on Father’s Day,

Good morning dad!  Well today is your day: the day when we all take a minute to recognize the men who have played the extremely important role of father in our lives.  Typically, on Father’s Day, dads everywhere get things like loud colorful ties, a decent meal, and maybe a thumbs up.  However, today, I wanted to take the opportunity to do something a little more meaningful.

I am writing you this letter to tell you exactly what I think of you and the impact you have made in my life.  Unfortunately, people rarely express how they really feel about their loved ones until they are no longer around to hear it, or at best in their final days.  We men, in particular, are the absolute worst at expressing emotion, and discussing our feelings with one another is normally a major violation of man code.  It’s much easier just to sit down and watch the ball game together or maybe grab some pizza and wings.  But not today.  Not this time.  Today I don’t care about the code or what others think because you’re the only one that matters.  Today I don’t care if you’re uncomfortable, because it’s something you need to hear.  This time I am making the choice, while you are here, healthy, and of sound mind, to tell you specifically why I am thankful to have you as a father.

Being a dad myself now, I have a much deeper understanding of and appreciation for the value of just being present as a dad.  In a world where too many fathers grab the nearest parachute and bail on their parenting responsibilities, half of the battle is just being there.  So, I first want to thank you for showing up.  You and mom were unmarried and relatively young when I was born, and had not quite figured out how to even take care of yourselves.  The two of you were living apart at the time, and I realize now that you all were still figuring out how to navigate your own relationship.  I’m sure many times it would have been easier to stay away than to keep working through conflict, but you kept trying.  No matter how difficult things got, you kept showing up, and I want you to know it meant the world to me because I was waiting for you.  I had no concept of time, so I never knew what the exact schedule was, but I knew that every week or two when you called me and asked if I needed you to bring anything, come Saturday you would be there.  The truth is, I never needed you to bring anything.  I just needed you.  So, I waited.  I didn’t watch T.V., I didn’t go to my friends’ house, and I didn’t play Atari.  I stood at the window looking for your car to come around the corner, and it always came.  It came until you eventually moved in and married my mom, and we started to live as a family.  I remember you throwing the ball around with me outside (and in the house even though mom said not to), wrestling with me in the living room, and disciplining me when I misbehaved.  I remember the laughter of fun times and the pain of consequences, and I needed all of it.  I want to say thank you, dad, for always being there and for teaching me through your actions that real men show up for their kids… even when it’s hard and they don’t have all the answers… even when things with the mom aren’t going so well.

Speaking of teaching through action, I also want to thank you for demonstrating to me what it means to be a person of character.  Having strong values and being a good person have always been extremely important to me, and though we are all imperfect, I do my very best to have a positive impact on others, do the right thing, and learn from my mistakes.  These qualities are a major part of who I am as a person, and I learned most of them from watching and listening to you.  Growing up you always taught me how to be a man of my word by following through on my commitments, and this enabled me to become someone who is reliable and trustworthy.  You also stressed to me that I should treat people how I want to be treated, which taught me empathy and respectfulness.  Your emphasis on doing right by people always stood out to me, and it is one of the things I respect about you the most.

Thirdly, I want to thank you for demonstrating what it means to have fatherly love.  You have shown me that, above all things, fathers sacrifice for and protect their children.  Through the years, whether it was cars or food, I have watched you always take the worst of everything so that we could have the best.  I realize you didn’t drive that old noisy truck with the front end smashed just because you loved it.  It was because you loved us, and there were other things your family needed that required money, so you sacrificed.  I have always known there is absolutely nothing you won’t do to help me or my brother, and you should know that we notice and we appreciate it.  We are both independent adults now, and you and mom raised us well so we wish you wouldn’t worry so much.  But we appreciate knowing how much you care and that you’re still there for us.  Now that I am a father as well, I understand from experience just how much you love me, and I am humbled by it.  The love of a parent for a child is so powerful it’s almost indescribable.  To know that someone cares about me that much is such a blessing.  Now I’m able to do the same things for my blended family that you did for me, and it’s all because you showed me what it means to be a dad.  I am also a mentor to many kids because you helped me understand the difference a positive male influence can make in children’s lives.  Because of you all the children I mentor are able to benefit from what I’ve learned, and for that you should be proud.

Finally, I want to tell you how grateful I am to have you as the grandfather to my kids, father-in-law to my wife, and husband to my mother.  These are the most important people in my life, and I can’t put into words how much it moves me to see the way you love and care for those that matter to me most.  Your grandkids and daughter-in-law are always talking about how giving you are, and they absolutely love spending time with you.  You should know that everyone notices all the things you do, and that when you worry and check on us and send gifts for the kids, we understand that’s your way of saying I love you.  We are thankful for who you are and please know we love and appreciate you.

I hope you now understand just how much of an impact you have made (and still make) on my life and on our family.  Much of the man I am today is because of the father you have been to me.  I see so many people out there that struggle in life because their fathers were either not around or were poor role models.  Some of their dads gave up and walked away when things were hard, but you never did.  I am so grateful that I have never had to look around for a man to emulate because you have always been right there.  You are an honorable person of character, and I not only love you as a father, but I respect you as a man.

Happy Father’s Day dad.  I hope it’s the best one yet.  I couldn’t be there today, but I will see you in a couple of weeks.  Just look out the window.